My exam

as i wrote the other day, i was done with my 2nd norwegian exam… and now i have taken the time and transelated the story/paper i wrote in to english! yes, i really have done that. it might have some errors and stuff in it, and it might not be as good in english as in norwegian (this is written 03:30 in the night) but its still pretty good i think, and here it comes.  just click “continue reading” to get the paper

Non of these

she looked down at the scale. It looked endlessly far away, like looking down a deep, deep bottomless pit, where only suffering and problems waited. The number on the display just kept rising and rising, she held her breath while it increased, it felt like an eternity, and she had to let her breath out in the end. It did not feel good this waiting, she felt something gnawing in the depths of her soul, a worried feeling that started in the stomach, and slowly spread through the body. In the end she knew that the number that would appear did not mean anything, it was just a number, a number made up by other numbers, without a soul, without thoughts or meanings. People said she was thin enough, people whispered about her behind her back at school, on the street, at cafeterias, yes everywhere it was people whispering about how thin she was, and how awful it must be for her. But she knew it, it was not how thin she was the real whispering was about, that was only the whispering they let her hear on purpose that was about how thin she was. Its a long time since she got used to the whispering about her, she didn’t care, they can mean whatever they want. She had not had breakfast this morning, it would affect the scale. Its a long time ago she had stopped feeling the constant hunger she felt in the start when she decided to become as thin as everyone else, it had been painful, very painful, some days she had even skipped school due to it, just hadn’t managed to get herself out of bed, but it was all going better now.

There the scaled passed 30 Kg.

This morning she had awoken feeling worried, she couldn’t put a name to it. Not only had she had a nightmare all night, people that laughed at her, stood around her in a big crowd, known and unknown faces had been there, some only shadows of people. They pointed and laughed at her, this big, round ball of a human being, who had not been able to move herself away from this, just had to stay and listen. It was nothing else to this dream, it felt like an eternity and it was like it had no ending. She had awaken with the blanket on the ground, coldsweating around 5 in the morning. After this dream she had not been able to sleep again, she did not want to go back to the people laughing at her, she couldn’t do it. After 3 hours the worried feeling that she couldn’t name was so strong that she got up and went to the mirror. A pale figure looked back at her, deep eyes, small breasts, the ribs was clearly visible, everything was skinny and pale. While she had stood there watching her own self, it was as her hips had started to swell, followed by her stomach, arms and legs. They had just swelled bigger and bigger, like a bread in a oven. Horrified she could just stand there and watch before she turned her back in disgust from this hideous creature which had appeared in the mirror. Was this how everyone else saw her? It had to be like that, the way they stopped and whispered about her in the halls at school when she passed by, and everywhere else where she went. But she had been so skinny when she first saw herself in the mirror, a reflection cant just start growing like that. She concluded with that the first had to be an illusion, a wish she had, a visible daydream because she just had awaken from such a terrible nightmare, and that the true reflection must have come forth when she finally started to wake up. No, she had to be sure about this,so she had turned back and looked again, and there she was, a pale, chubby reflection glaring back at her. No this cant be true she had thought. She looked with disgust at the reflection a while, and it seemed like everything had swelled a little more.

There the weight passed 35, this was not good, and the worried feeling almost made her crumble.

While she had stood infront of the mirror she had thought back. What did she eat the other day? She concluded with that she had only had the lunch at school, that she had gotten up again at the bathroom about 30 min later, she couldn’t stand the feeling of food in her stomach, it was like a lead weight in her stomach, that slowly spread its weight through her body, the only reason she had eaten at school was to not stick out to much. She ended up with that she had not eaten anything the other day, nor the day before that either, some salad she had gotten down, and the school lunch, that she forced back up soon after. She looked in the mirror one more time. The dream might not have been to wrong. The reflection stared empty back at her. Had only the reflection she saw first been staring back everything would have been ok and no problems, but it was not, it had been to good to be true, the thin limbs that had been there could impossible be her.

There the scale passed 40, but did it not go much slower now?

She had looked in the mirror again, and saw that the reflection had swollen a little more. It could not be true, it had to be something wrong in her head somewhere, so she decided to find the instrument she hated the most in this world, the scale. Nothing good ever game out of the scale, it bothered her in her dreams and she never liked using it, but now she was there, above this bottomless pit.

43, 44, 45. There it stopped, 45 Kg. She collapsed on the floor, a tear fell down her cheek. Two weeks ago, when she last used this instrument of torture, it had shown 43. No more lunch at school. She went back to her room and sat down on her bed, couldn’t stand anymore, just wanted to go to sleep and never again wake up. She wished she was lighter, she wished she was skinny, she wished she was more popular, but no, she was non of these.

Now good job reading trough this if you can read this, please do comment if you liked it, or did not like it =) comments are allways welcome

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~ by Raniets on May 31, 2009.